brushing up on hair terminology

Hair. I love it. In case you didn't already know. My son has inherited the trait of wanting his hair damn near perfect, nothing wrong with that. Except for when people just don't get us... or we don't get them. Either way, it's a hot hairy mess.

I'm honestly ashamed to admit that I take the kid to whatever local haircut collaboration we come across when we're out. I've tried different ones, they all basically suck so far. You'd think I'd learn.

Walking into our local Cost Cutters, we find Barbie.. I mean Miss Boots with the Fur tending, (I use this term lightly) the front desk. It's dim. She's all alone & it's a bit on the humid side. This could make one a bit on edge I guess, but you're CUSTOMER SERVICE so deal sweetie.

We are greeted (another term I use lightly) with quite a bland "canIhelpyou?" <-- this is not a spelling error (you should know better, shame on you!) this is how I want you to say it, in your head or out loud whatever you like. No *smile* ~  it's *smug* ~ "canIhelpyou?" in a low kind of murmur.

Why yes Barbie you can, oddly enough we'd like a haircut. "sign-in" is muttered as she shoves the clipboard into my rib cage. Soooooo "whatarewedoing?". At this point, being that he's 17, I allow him to explain how HE'D like his hair cut as I'm sure he knows best. So I saunter over to the waiting area & whip out my phone like I'm some teenager waiting for that most important text, like what's on sale at the mall.

5, 6 maybe 7 minutes later they are STILL discussing how he'd like it cut. As I glance up I immediately comprehend her crabbiness.... she had BICHONS BITING AT HER ANKLES!!! OMG! Someone help!! Grab a hose!! Shake your leg!! Call the dog pound.... (smart ass rant ends here) seriously, it's 85° out, what's with the ankle mufflers???


Arrrrggg.... down doggies!



I see this terrified look in my son's eyes saying "please help me" so I cautiously walk over  (don't want to be dog attacked hahahahaha OK sorry, I'm done) and ask what's up. She's ranting...

"well I just don't understand what he wants." *huff* *puff* *sigh*

*in my head* a haircut... does this woman not know why she's here???

"he says they didn't use clippers last time but it's too short  for them not to have, see this, see how short it is??? (as she's tugging the back of his hair ~ which he may have enjoyed but let's not go there) I can't even cut it so I can't shorten it up but he says he wants it trimmed, I don't know what to trim."

*again in my head* his hair... am I in the Twilight Zone?

"I can't cut it if I don't clipper it. He doesn't want them. So what am I supposed to do"

I explain that he wants it trimmed up to look cleaner & thinned out because he has a Brillo pad for hair. I further explained that he doesn't want it buzzed, just short & thinned.

"I have to use the clippers then"

He says "but I don't want it buzzed"

NOW PAY ATTENTION, HERE COMES YOUR LESSON ON CLIPPERS.

*gasp, sigh, roll of the eyes* (no not me, Puss in Boots) "clippers don't just buzz, they can do ANY length, I mean I can go with a #7 and have longer hair than yours, or I can do a #5 and it'll look like I cut it by hand, once you get up to a #3 or less then it's buzz, it won't BUZZ your hair, I didn't say I'd BUZZ your hair!!!"

At this point mommy has gotten slightly irritated with her half assed shitty attitude but did my best to keep my cool. I looked her in the eyes and said

"clip away then, but unfortunately we didn't go to beauty school so we don't know clipper terminology, so if you could just cut it like this picture *pointing to wall* and use whatever tool it is to look like that, then all will be fine". I wanted to tell her to take her clippers, shave her damn ugly boots & shove it where the sun don't shine. But I didn't.

Pivot, mumble, plop... I returned to my seat to frantically text Kelly about how much of a bitch Miss Boots with the Fur is... thus the picture was taken so I could explain the nickname. And how she would NOT be getting a tip except for when I tell her she needs an attitude adjustment.

Time passes, she snips & yes she clips, buzzes whatever you wanna call it and VIOLA! We have a haircut ladies & gentlemen. Sheesh, was that so hard?

Time to check out, as I have my wallet in hand but no cash Miss Boots has a change of attitude...... wait, what's this? we have personality now?

In her nicey-nice innocent voice she says "I'm sorry for the miscommunication about the clippers, I just have had people who've told me to use a certain clipper # like a 2 or 3 & then freak out on me because it's too short, so I worry about making a mistake & upsetting the customer". I accepted her apology & said that a different way of explaining it would have lessened upsetting me since we weren't familiar with the terminology of the clippers. She again apologized.

Needless to say, the cut was decent, not GREAT, but what do you want for $13.95?

My attitude was checked and I did tip her as I would any other hair stylist. I even threw in a bone for her dogs. Hope they liked it.